Navigating Emotions with the Circle of Control

As you navigate through your own growth, you may find yourself experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. You might feel left out, compare yourself to friends on social media, or deal with the ups and downs of relationships. At times, it might seem like everyone else has it together except for you. This can lead to feelings of anxiety or uncertainty. But here’s the good news: there’s a simple tool that can help you focus on what truly matters—the Circle of Control.

What Is the Circle of Control?

This idea comes from Stephen R. Covey’s famous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It’s a way of thinking that helps you zone in on what you can influence—your thoughts, actions, and feelings—rather than stressing over things outside your control, like others’ opinions or social media posts.

Why Is the Circle of Control Important?

Focusing on what you can control makes it easier to handle feelings of being left out, comparisons, or heartbreaks. It helps you calm the anxiety and redirect your energy toward things that can actually make a difference—your attitude, your decisions, and what you do next.

How Does It Work?

First, take a piece of paper and draw a big circle. Inside this big circle, draw a smaller circle in the center. The smaller circle represents the things you can control—like your thoughts, your effort, and how you respond. The space between the small and big circle is everything outside your control—like others’ reactions, what happens in the world, or past mistakes.

When you face a tricky situation or strong emotions, think about what’s inside the smaller circle. That’s what you have the power to change or influence. Focus there, and try to let go of what’s outside the big circle. This simple exercise helps you stay calm, confident, and in charge of your own happiness.

Your Personal Tools for Control

Inside your Circle of Control, you can write things like:

• Your thoughts and feelings

• How you choose to respond to situations

• The effort you put into tasks or relationships

• Your actions and decisions

• Taking care of your health (like eating well and sleeping enough)

• How you communicate and express yourself

  
  

These are your personal tools to help you stay grounded and in control of your feelings.

What’s Outside Your Control?

Outside the circle, you can write things like:

• How other people react or feel

• What others say or think about you

• External events or circumstances you can’t change (like the weather or traffic)

• Past mistakes or decisions you’ve made

• How the world or society behaves

• Someone else’s mood or attitude

  
  

Accepting that you can’t change these things is key to moving forward and feeling better.

Real-Life Example: The Breakup

Imagine you just went through a breakup. You’re feeling hurt, lonely, or maybe even jealous seeing your ex move on with someone new. It’s easy to get caught up in thoughts like “What did I do wrong?” or “Why aren’t I good enough?”

But instead, you focus on what youcan control:*

• Your feelings and how you choose to respond to them

• How much time you spend on social media, if it's making you feel drained

• Your activities—maybe doing something you enjoy or spending time with friends who lift you up

• Your mindset—reminding yourself that your worth isn’t defined by what others do or post

  
  

By shifting your focus to what’s within your control, you start feeling more empowered and less stuck in negative thoughts.

What You Can’t Control in a Breakup

Here are some examples of what you can’t control in this scenario:

• How your ex feels or reacts to you

• Whether they post or share their new relationship online

• How other people talk or think about the breakup

• The timing or progress of your healing process

• Past mistakes or decisions you’ve made

  
  

Focusing on these out-of-control things can make you feel stuck or overwhelmed. Remember, letting go of what you can't control helps you concentrate on what you can influence—your feelings, actions, and mindset—which is the key to feeling more empowered and moving forward.

Your Turn: Reflect and Take Action

Think about a situation or experience that felt hard; perhaps it was something that challenged or frustrated you.

• Write down what you can control (inside the circle)

• Write down what you can't control (outside the circle)

  
  

This helps you see that some things are just out of your hands—and that you have the power to decide how you respond.

Embracing the Circle of Control

The Circle of Control is a powerful way to handle tough social feelings and emotional ups and downs. By focusing on your thoughts, choices, and actions, you can reclaim your power—and start feeling more confident, grounded, and in control.

So grab a piece of paper, draw your circles, and think about a situation that’s bothering you right now. Notice how this simple exercise can help turn feelings of anxiety or hurt into strength and clarity.

Final Thoughts

Navigating emotions can be challenging, but remember that you have the tools to manage them. The Circle of Control encourages you to focus on what you can influence. This mindset can lead to greater resilience and emotional well-being. Embrace this approach, and watch how it transforms your perspective on life's challenges.

With practice, you can learn to let go of what you can't control and empower yourself to thrive in every situation.